I’ve also realized that as [gay] men, we spend way too much time linking our relationships and levels of intimacy to roles we feel we have to play as men or ideas of manhood we feel we have to live up to. “I can’t do this because I’m a man.” “I’m afraid to do this although I know I should. I’m a man.” How can we expect to actually connect to someone if we’re spending so much time trying to play roles?